Thursday, September 10, 2009

Don't Forget To Vote!!!!!!


Only A few Days Left!!!

You've narrowed down your choice to four and it's time for the play-offs. LET'S GO!!

First we have,


Russian Swirls

Where would a World's Prettiest Leotard contest be without Anna Pavlova? One of the sports prettiest gymnasts, both gymnastically and physically, she is nearly always dressed well too (aside from some questionable sleeveless numbers).
This was the number you guys picked from a range of Anna choices after I realised that nearly one in three of every leotard pictures you guys were sending to me featured Anna and had a whole heat devoted to her. And surprise, surprise, here she is in the finals.

College Sparkles

This was the winner of the College Heat. Though i was saddened by the fact UCLA didn't win, having always adored most of their leos, this was a nice, elegant choice. I love a black leo. And I don't even mind me some sparkles as long as they haven't been thrown indiscriminately at the garment in great bucketfuls. And it makes good use of stocking, a fabric that has been wildly and terrifyingy misused in gymnastics leotard designs of late. This leo is pretty, and it doesn't hurt that a sassy miss like Baskett is wearing it.

Russian Marble

Not surprisingly there is another Russian team leotard in these finals. I have to say, I truly believe- though one Soviet leo made its way into the World's Worst Leotard Grand Final- that Russia has had the most consistently good leotard over the years. Yes, they have had a couple of dull ones, and a few terrible ones in the nineties, but they are far outstripped by the amount of good, or at least inoffensive choices. They were also always wise in often having leos that were only one or two colours. The Russian were great at keeping to a basic fashion rule- Keep it simple. There is a reason why that is a rule! Perhaps Spain should be forced to write it out five hundred times.

Lady Lilac

In many ways, a light lilac leo just doesn't seem to fit in with Asac's particular brand of sassy aggression. But she looks good. Damn good. It's a flattering colour. It's not too purple (thank gawd). It's sparkly without being too disco. The shoulder detail is subtle but adds interest to the cut.
It's not heinously high-cut like so many these days, attempting to flatter the gymnast's legs with little or no regard to equal and opposite affect it has on panty lines and worldwide sales of butt glue. The squared off neckline is old-fashioned and elegant.
And Asac is wearing it. Need i say more?

Okay guys, here it is;


 Here are the four leotards most consistently voted as among the most heinous gymnastics fashion crimes.

The first cab off the ugly leo rank is;

Nineties Swirls

Now, I am not sure if the Belorussian gymnastics-powers-that-be were just too dizzy from the responsibilities all of a sudden being a new, independant gymnastics nation to care about team leotards. Or maybe they were far to taken up with the frightening burden of ensuring Bogey stayed on top of her game while under their care to notice what their girls were wearing? Perhaps they were so busy making sure those Yurkina twins didn't keep playing switcheroo in the gym to get out of bar practice that they handed over the leo responsibility to one of the gym mothers.
Unfortunately, that gym mother got right down to work one day following her morning walk where she happened to find some rather delicious but peculiar looking mushrooms in the woods. Unfortunately, she'd fried up with some caviar and washed them down with some vodka before hand-designing this particular monstrosity.
Or perhaps this design was simply cutting edge in downtown Minsk in the early nineties?

Sadly, it's probably the latter....

Russian Gold

Now I know that the Soviets were all about one colour, and that colour was indeed gold. Nothing else would do for the Soviet gymnastics factory. Their leo designer, however, didn't realise that this didn't extend to their outfits, particularly when this particular shade of gold is perhaps the one colour that flatters absolutely no one, and even made a lithe, petite gymnast resemble big bird doing aerobics.

Shiny. Strangly.

This, to me, does not actually look like a leotard. It looks like a form of punishment. Perhaps the gymnasts on this team were, as coach Vick liked to say, "popping their clutch all over the place" and the strangly neckline was a form of halter. When the gymnast threatened to move to quickly forward, it pulled them back with a sharp yank to the throat. Clever really. It look like it worked. This girl was clearly in so much pain, she forgot to put her other sock on.
As for the shiny? What earthly material was it made of? And does it offer any actual ventilation, because this girl is looking a little pale. I wonder if, when they removed it after the competition, the girls skin looked something like a wrinkled prune?

Nineties Geometrics

If this World's Worst Leotard competition proves one thing, it proves that the nineties were a very, very interesting sartorial period in Eastern Europe. It also possibly proves it was an interesting period of mind-altering drug-abuse for leotard designers.
This dizzyingly patterned leo is so confusing that Chuso had to keep her eyes closed for the whole routine lest she followed the trajectory offered by its design and tumbled her self into orbit, or was seduced by it's psychedelic efforts and stayed on her back, mumbling "far out man, look at all the pretty lights..." instead of doing her floor routine.

Happy voting guys. As usual, head to the poll on the side to make your decision...

1 comment:

  1. Worst is 90s swirl or geomtric in a toin coss. The yellow leo is attractive. And the shiney is bad in shineyness, but otherwise ok.

    Best is Russian marble with Russian swirl behind. The other two are simple and clean and fine.