Saturday, September 5, 2009

AND YES, IT"S TIME!!!

Okay guys, here it is;

 this years GRAND FINAL of the WORLDS WORST LEOTARD CONTEST. You voted, and voted again. Here are the four leotards most consistently voted as among the most heinous gymnastics fashion crimes.

The first cab off the ugly leo rank is;

Nineties Swirls

Now, I am not sure if the Belorussian gymnastics-powers-that-be were just too dizzy from the responsibilities all of a sudden being a new, independant gymnastics nation to care about team leotards. Or maybe they were far to taken up with the frightening burden of ensuring Bogey stayed on top of her game while under their care to notice what their girls were wearing? Perhaps they were so busy making sure those Yurkina twins didn't keep playing switcheroo in the gym to get out of bar practice that they handed over the leo responsibility to one of the gym mothers.
Unfortunately, that gym mother got right down to work one day following her morning walk where she happened to find some rather delicious but peculiar looking mushrooms in the woods.  Unfortunately, she'd fried up with some caviar and washed them down with some vodka before hand-designing this particular monstrosity.
Or perhaps this design was simply cutting edge in downtown Minsk in the early nineties? 

Sadly, it's probably the latter....

Russian Gold

Now I know that the Soviets were all about one colour, and that colour was indeed gold. Nothing else would do for the Soviet gymnastics factory. Their leo designer, however, didn't realise that this didn't extend to their outfits, particularly when this particular shade of gold is perhaps the one colour that flatters absolutely no one, and even made a lithe, petite gymnast resemble big bird doing aerobics.


Shiny. Strangly.

This, to me, does not actually look like a leotard. It looks like a form of punishment. Perhaps the gymnasts on this team were, as coach Vick liked to say, "popping their clutch all over the place" and the strangly neckline was a form of halter. When the gymnast threatened to move to quickly forward, it pulled them back with a sharp yank to the throat. Clever really. It look like it worked. This girl was clearly in so much pain, she forgot to put her other sock on.
As for the shiny? What earthly material was it made of? And does it offer any actual  ventilation, because this girl is looking a little pale. I wonder if, when they removed it after the competition, the girls skin looked something like a wrinkled prune?

Nineties Geometrics

If this World's Worst Leotard competition proves one thing, it proves that the nineties were a very, very interesting sartorial period in Eastern Europe. It also possibly proves it was an interesting period of mind-altering drug-abuse for leotard designers. 
This dizzyingly patterned leo is so confusing that Chuso had to keep her eyes closed for the whole routine lest she followed the trajectory offered by its design and tumbled her self into orbit, or was seduced by it's psychedelic efforts and stayed on her back, mumbling "far out man, look at all the pretty lights..." instead of doing her floor routine.

Happy voting guys. As usual, head to the poll on the side to make your decision...

2 comments:

  1. The gold one is pretty terrible, but that leo has seen incarnations even more awful than that, namely the travesty that Karine Boucher wore for the compulsories at the Seoul Olympics.

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  2. Sad to see this contest come to an end! :) Thanks for all the entertainment

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